Vampire Academy: After Spokane Strigoi Killings
by charlierulz95
Summary: Based on what COULD have happened to Rose after she made her first Strigoi killings. It involves her not recovering so well emotionally from the ordeal. Chapters 1, 2, 3 and 4 posted. I will continue to write if you guys enjoy my story. Please Review!:
1. Chapter 1

VAMPIRE ACADEMY FANFIC STORY

SETTING: Takes place after Rose kills Isaiah and Elena in Spokane. Tells you what could've happened if she hadn't recovered so well emotionally from her killings.

P.O.V.: Rose

CHARACTERS: Rose, Lisa, Christian, Dimitri, Mia, Janine Hathaway, Adrian Ivashkov, Dr Olendzki, Kirova, Alberta

MENTIONED CHARACTERS: Isaiah, Elena, Tasha Ozera, Eddie, and Mason

**I Will Continue To Write More Chapters If You Guys Enjoy It! Please Review My Story- Whether It Be Good OR Bad!!**

* * * *

I couldn't believe what I had just done. I looked around me and all I could see was blood and bodies. There was Isaiah and Elena, with the heads detached from the bodies. And then there was Mason, lying on his back with his eyes wide and blank.

I was shaking. I had just made to Strigoi kills by myself. I just wished Mason hadn't interfered. If he hadn't, he'd still be alive. It was my fault he was dead. I shouldn't have told him about Spokane in the first place. I shouldn't have upset him at the ski lodge that day. That's what caused him to join forces with Mia and Eddie and come after the Strigoi. If I'd checked the house properly before we tried to escape, this wouldn't have happened. I now realised that what my mother had said that day in Stan's class was true. 'It's not that simple' were her words and now I understood. It really wasn't easy at all. Just a momentary lapse of judgement can mean life or death for a guardian or their Moroi.

* * * *

I heard their footsteps before I saw them. Instinctively, I picked up the already bloodied sword and pointed it in the direction of the door. Some part of me, in the very back of my mind, knew that it would only be the guardians, that my friends had probably already gone to get help. I couldn't help but be scared though. While I might be prepared physically for another fight, I knew that mentally I couldn't handle one.

Seconds later a large number of guardians, probably 30 or 40, stormed through the door. None of them took any notice of me. They all walked straight past me and over to the bodies of Isaiah and Elena.

"Rose, put the sword down." The voice came from behind me and whilst I recognised the voice I refused to let go of the sword. I was still too shocked and scared. Instead, I tightened my grip.

"Rose. Please?"

I still did nothing.

"Roza. Please just put the sword down."

This time I listened. The sword clattered to the floor as I turned to face Dimitri. Seeing his face and hearing his voice made all the memories from Christmas and the ski resort come flooding back. Tasha's proposal to Dimitri, the fight with Mason, the box of perfumes from Adrian.

Dimitri took a step towards me. But instead of walking towards him and wanting him to hold me like I always did, I didn't want to be anywhere near him. I didn't want to be near anyone. So I ran away. Ran away from the house, and the bodies and all the painful memories. I knew someone would follow me, whether it be Dimitri or another guardian. They wouldn't let me out on my own after what I'd just been through, so it was no surprise when I heard the sound of somebody running behind me.

I have no idea how long I ran for or how far I ran. I just couldn't stop. After what seemed to be 5 or 10 kilometres I couldn't run anymore. My lungs felt like they would explode and every muscle in my body was aching, despite the fact long-distance running was a big part of the training I undertook with Dimitri when I returned to the academy. I slumped down on the kerb, panting for breath. Dimitri sat down beside me and put his arm around me shoulders but I wriggled out of his grip. I didn't want anyone near me.

Somehow, Dimitri managed to get me back to the guardians' meeting place. I was running on auto-pilot by then. My mother, Janine Hathaway, was sitting in a chair de-briefing some guardians. I overheard her saying she would transport me, Mia, Eddie and Christian back to the Academy on a private jet later in the day. Selected guardians would accompany us, whilst the others would stay behind in Spokane to further investigate the Strigoi's hideout. All St. Vlad's students were already back at the Academy, as the guardians thought it would be safer and they would be less likely to repeat Mason, Mia and Eddie's performance and go after Strigoi.

* * * *

I woke up the next day in the Academy's clinic. I felt groggy, like I had been sedated, and couldn't remember anything about the flight home or returning to the Academy. I could sense there was somebody beside me, and instantly I began hoping it was Lissa. I opened my eyes the tiniest bit and saw my mother sitting beside my bed, looking worried. I quickly closed my eyes, but was too slow. My mother had noticed I had woken up and stood up, relief crossing her features.

"Rose? Rose, how are you feeling? Do you need me to get the doctor?" For once my mother actually seemed genuinely worried.

Suddenly I remembered everything. The sword. The blood. The bodies. I felt like I wanted to be sick. But physically I just couldn't. So instead I rolled over and faced the wall, wishing I hadn't woken up at all.

"Rose please answer me," said my mother leaning over me to peer at my face. She waited a few more moments before adding, "I'm going to get Dr. Olendzki."

Once she was out of the room I rolled over onto my back again. I closed my eyes and willed myself to fall back asleep before Dr. Olendzki came in. Unfortunately, luck was obviously not going my way. The door opened and in came the doctor looking rather concerned. I'd seen Dr. Olendzki's face when Lisa had been in here, but nothing compared to the amount of concern on her face today. She walked over to my bed and pulled up a chair to sit down on.

"Rose, how are you feeling? We had to give you something to help you sleep so don't be worried if you have a slight headache or feel sick. It's all normal and should be gone within a few hours. Nothing else hurts does it Rose?" asked Dr Olendzki.

I rolled over again to face the wall, hoping that they would leave me alone. I really didn't feel like talking.

"See I told you she wouldn't talk," said my mother in her usual matter-of-fact tone.

"She's probably still in shock. It would've been a very frightening experience Janine as I'm sure you would understand. We'll see how she is going in a few hours."

I heard Dr. Olendzki stand up and exit the room. My mother stayed standing at the foot of my bed for only a few seconds before following her out of the room.

"Doctor," my mother said thoughtfully. "Are you...are you sure it's only shock? I understand that she's been through a lot for someone of her age but I'm worried that it might be more than just shock."

"To tell you the truth Janine, I'm not sure," replied Dr. Olendzki, "She's still probably pretty groggy from the sedative and yes, there is a large chance that it is shock. But only time will tell. We'll just have to wait and see."

"Do you have any idea when she will be released?" asked my mother.

"Hopefully tomorrow. She seems to be in good physical state and with surveillance she should be okay emotionally."

"Thankyou Doctor. For everything."

"No problem." My mother began to open the door before Dr. Olendzki called her name. "And Janine. Try not to worry too much. I'm sure she'll come around in the end." With that I heard the doctor walk down the hall and my mother enter the room. She shut the door quietly behind her, and took a seat right next to my bed.

It didn't take me long to fall back asleep after that. But when I did my dreams were filled of images of dead Strigoi, all of them decapitated.

**A/N: Chapters 2, 3, 4 and 5 now posted. I plan to write more, but only if you like it. Please review my story. Thanks :)**


	2. Chapter 2

CHAPTER 2

I was discharged from the clinic just after the vampiric school day had started but I didn't know what to do with myself. I still didn't want to eat. I couldn't wander the grounds alone- after all, who knew what might be lurking out there. So miserably I walked back to my room. I knew I would be alone until at least lunch time, but that suited me just fine. I didn't really feel like talking to anyone about what had happened. As far as I was concerned, I was quite happy to lie in bed all day and cry. Being released from the clinic really made me remember how happy I had been just a few weeks before.

* * * *

When I returned to my room I noticed that all my stuff had been unpacked and put away- thanks to my mother- and a note had been left on my desk. It read:

_Rose, I hope you are beginning to feel a little better. I am  
sorry I haven't been a better mother to you in the last seventeen  
years. I hope one day, when you are officially Lissa's guardian,  
that you will understand just how hard it is. I will be at the  
Academy until after Mason's funeral on Tuesday, at which time Lord Szelsky and therefore myself, will be leaving. I hope we will be able to catch up  
before this time._

__

Best Wishes,  
Janine Hathaway.

Tuesday. That left only 5 days to catch up with her and prepare myself for what could possibly be one of the hardest days of my life. Mason's funeral. I really wanted to see my mother before she left. I was beginning to understand, after the incident in Spokane, that being a guardian isn't easy. And that juggling being a guardian with children just wouldn't work.

I put the letter back on my desk. I noticed something else, something that had been there for a while but I had previously taken no notice of. It was a photo of me and Mason, taken only a week or so after Lissa and I returned to the Academy. We looked so happy to be together. Little did we know what the future would hold. Seeing us together made me want to cry. I tried to hold back the tears as I wasn't really one for crying, but it was too hard. I still blamed myself for what happened to Mason. I believed that I should've been the one to die. That if I'd checked the house properly, none of this would've happened. No matter what anybody said to me, nothing was going to change that. I collapsed onto the floor and curled up into the foetal position, clutching the photograph to my chest. A good hour or two later I heard a knock on my door.

"Roza?" asked a familiar voice. Before I had time to respond the door opened and in walked Dimitri. He saw me lying on the floor with tears streaming down my face and rushed over.

"Oh Roza, it will be okay," he said holding me in his arms. Usually I found Dimitri's touch comforting, but not today. I cried more and more and was sure that I was probably at a very low point when it came to looks. Eventually I began to calm down, but every now and then a random sob would escape from me. Suddenly I felt very embarrassed. I shouldn't have let Dimitri see me like that.

"I'm sorry. It's just...it's my fault Mason died. If I'd checked the house properly. If I hadn't told him about Spokane in the first place..."

"Shhh..." said Dimitri, cutting me off. "None of this is your fault. You did the best you could. You haven't even graduated yet. It's hard enough for someone who _has_ graduated."

"But if I'd checked better this wouldn't have happened." Dimitri's caring, and yet fierce, gaze cut me off. Maybe he was right. Maybe it wasn't my fault after all. "And now I have to prepare for Mason's funeral and my mother leaving. It's just all too much."

"I'm sure it is. And nobody expects you to be at Mason's funeral if you don't want to be. We all know that it will be very hard for you."

I nodded slowly but said no more. I just lay there in Dimitri's arms, with my head leant against his chest. Time passed slowly, but Dimitri didn't seem to be in a rush to leave. He kept holding me tight, occasionally stroking my hair. After a while I lifted my head off Dimitri's chest and sat up.

"I'll be back in a minute," I said. I wriggled out of Dimitri's grip and stood up. My legs were numb from sitting down for so long and it took me a while to regain the strength to walk. Slowly and carefully I walked over to my desk and placed the photo back down, resting it against my jewellery box. I then picked up my hairbrush and walked to my dresser. I brushed my hair slowly, hoping it would help me to calm down. I looked absolutely terrible. My eyes were blood-shot and I had huge red rings around me eyes. My eyelids were puffy and the mascara that I carefully applied in the clinic this morning had run down my face. I grabbed a tissue and wiped as much as possible off my face. When I had finished, I walked back over to where Dimitri was and sat down beside him.

"Are you okay now Rose?" asked Dimitri sounding worried.

I said nothing. In actual fact I didn't know what to say. I was just so confused, so upset. And I just couldn't find the words to convey how I felt. Dimitri just sighed and took my hand in his.

"I really should be going now Rose. Maybe you should go down to the cafeteria soon and meet Lissa for lunch. I'm sure she'd want to make sure you're alright."

I nodded. I still didn't have any plans to eat, but thought that seeing Lissa might be a good idea. After all, she was my best friend. "Ok. I guess I better put on some decent clothes if I want to go down there." I tried my hardest to smile but it felt, and most likely looked, pathetic.

Dimitri stood up and without a word left the room, closing the door behind him.

* * * *

Some forty-five minutes later, Lissa sat in the middle of Christian and me, eating her lunch. There was mixed feelings coming from her through the bond. Some were happy because Christian was there and some were worry about me. I sat there hoping she would get over worrying about me, because I didn't need it. Or so I thought anyway.

The cafeteria was filling up quick and I noticed people staring at me and whispering to the friends are they walked past us. Most stopped when I looked at them and quickly gave me a small smile but they weren't fooling me. I supposedly needed all the support I could get at the moment and them talking about me behind my back certainly wasn't supporting me.

A small group of Moroi girls, who I think were in the grade below us, sat down on the other side of the table to us slightly to the left of me. They were talking in small whispers but with my sharp hearing I could hear every word they were saying.

"I heard that it's her fault the group went to Spokane in the first place. Apparently she told them it was a good idea," said a blonde girl who was obviously the leader of the group.

"Somebody told me that she came up with the plan to escape, but then failed to check the house properly. That's why Ashford got killed," exclaimed another.

"Well apparently," begun a brunette girl who was so tiny she looked as if she may snap in half at the slightest touch, "she told one of the Strigoi to drink blood from her. What a blood wh-..."

That was when I lost it. I jumped up from my seat and ran around the end of the table. I walked up to the girl and put my hand on her shoulder. I spun her around and moved so close to her that our faces were only centimetres away from each other.

"What did you say?" I asked her, though it was a rhetorical question. I knew what she had said. By this time most people in the cafeteria knew something was going on and had turned around to watch.

"I said that you told one of the Strigoi to drink blood from you," she retorted. It was obvious she was trying her hardest to say it loudly so the whole cafeteria could hear. There were a number of gasps from people who obviously hadn't already heard the gossip. "And that you are a total blood wh-..." Once again she never got to finish her sentence. Without thinking of the possible consequences, I punched her in the nose. Blood squirted everywhere and her friends started screaming.

I couldn't believe I had done that. I was trying so hard lately to keep my temper under control and yet I lost it over one little comment that I could've easily ignored. So much for control. I was unable to move. People were coming up to the girl to check she was okay and glaring at me as they walked past. Maybe I shouldn't have reacted the way I did, but she had no right to say that about me. The only person that bothered to check on me was Lissa.

"Rose. Are you okay?" She was standing right next to me with her hand on my shoulder.

I couldn't answer her. I just stood there, completely frozen. Suddenly I realised that there would be consequences for this, that despite what I had just been through and what this girl had said, I would still have to pay the price for what I had just done. So once again I ran away, unable to face what I had done. I ran out of the cafeteria and across to my dorm. I didn't stop in the lobby, I just kept running up the stairs and into my room. I slammed the door behind me and turned the lock. The longer is could avoid the consequences the better. But you can't avoid the consequences forever as I found out not long after.

"Rose." Somebody was thumping on my door. "Rose, open your door before you get yourself into any more trouble." It was Alberta.


	3. Chapter 3

CHAPTER 3

Only six hours after my discharge from the clinic, I ended up in Headmistress Kirova's office. I shouldn't have punched the girl. I knew that. But surely Kirova was sympathetic enough to let it go considering the circumstances.

"I have told you numerous times over your time at this school that physical violence isn't the way to solve your problems," said Kirova looking at me over the top of her glasses. I felt very vulnerable. There were various guardians standing around the walls, two of which were people who I'd rather not see me in trouble- Dimitri and my mother.

"I'm sorry. I lost it," I replied, refusing to look her in the eye.

"You really need to learn to keep your temper under control, Miss Hathaway. But, considering the circumstances I will let you off without punishment. Do it again, and there _will_ be consequences."

"Yes Miss. Thankyou." I started to stand up, but Kirova stopped me.

"Rose. Sit down. I want to have a little chat to you." _Oh no. _"Are you sure you're okay. Considering everything that happened?" she asked, seeming genuinely worried. I said nothing, unsure how to answer the question considering _I _didn't know if I was okay. I still blamed myself for everything that happened. Kirova let out a deep sigh and then added, "Ok then. You can go."

I stood up quickly and walked out, keeping my gaze away from Dimitri and my mother. Walking through the double doors that led into the hallway, I relaxed a little. I didn't like feeling so vulnerable. Having so many guardians watching me was intimidating, and what made it worse was the one of them was my mother.

"Rose?" asked a voice behind me. I spun around and found my mother walking down the hall after me. I felt very nervous again. I thought she might be here to give me a lecture. Apparently not. "I was wondering whether you'd be free tomorrow to catch up. I'm sure you found my letter I left on your desk."

"Yeah I did. And I'd love to catch up. Tomorrow it is."

"Okay well how about I come up to your room just after school finishes? You can choose what we do from there, but obviously it will have to be in school grounds."

"Okay it sounds good. I'll see you tomorrow," I replied. I was surprised about how my mother had taken the time to organise this. I thought she'd leave it up to me. I was still amazed about the fact that my mother knew what 'catch-up' meant in the first place.

"See you tomorrow." My mother walked back into Kirova's office. I stood there watching her until she had closed the door behind her and then continued on my way back to my dorm. In a way I wanted her to stay with me, to just sit down and talk with me about everything that had happened. To remind me, just like Dimitri had, that everything would be okay. But, even if she did, I'm not sure I could've believed it anyway. _Nothing _was okay.

* * * *

I went to bed quite early that night, despite the fact I couldn't sleep. I tossed and turned for ages and every time I shut my eyes all I could see were images of dead Strigoi. I had just managed to doze off when a knock on my door woke me with a start. I got up and unlocked the door knowing only 1 person would come to my dorm after curfew.

"Sorry. I hope it didn't wake you up," whispered Dimitri, standing in the doorway wearing his usual guardian clothing.

"Not exactly. I couldn't sleep anyway," I replied. It was the truth and I could tell he believed me.

"Would I be able to come in for a minute? It won't take long." I stepped back and opened the door right up. Dimitri walked in and took a seat on the edge of my bed. I shut the door and sat next to him. "I just wanted to ask you something."

"Ok. Shoot." I hope that didn't sound like I was being rude, but I was pretty sure what this conversation was going to be about and to tell you the truth, I didn't want to talk about it. Kirova hadn't pushed me to talk and I really appreciated that. Dimitri on the other hand...well, he would.

"What really happened in the cafeteria today Rose? I know there's more to the story than what you told Kirova."

"It's exactly like I said. I just lost it. Too much stress I guess." I shrugged half-heartedly and hoped he would believe me. But Dimitri knew me too well. He could tell I was lying. I felt angry with myself for even trying to hide the truth from him.

"Come on Roza. There's no need to lie to me. Tell me what really happened." I sighed knowing that I couldn't lie to him.

"There were these Moroi girls. And they were talking about me. Saying that I...I was the reason Mason died. "

"And?" I sighed again.

"And one girl, the girl I punched, said that I was a blood whore because I told one of the Strigoi to drink blood from me. So I punched her. I know I shouldn't have done it but I only said that because Eddie was so off his face on endorphins he couldn't even stay awake."

"I know. I know Roza. It's ok." Dimitri stroked my face sympathetically. "We all know you're not a blood whore."

Suddenly a question occurred to me. "Did Kirova believe me? That I just lost it?"

"Well as far as I can tell she did. But I saw straight through your little story. Just shows how well I do know you." He chuckled to himself lightly.

"Not funny. I'd like to lie for once and be believed you know."

"But lying is a bad habit," replied Dimitri, still chuckling slightly.

"Yeah and so is punching people in the face," I said sarcastically. That made Dimitri laugh even more.

"True. Anyway I best be off. You need to get some sleep." At that comment I made a face. I didn't think I would sleep at all tonight. Dimitri kissed me lightly on the forehead and stood up. "Goodnight Roza."

"Goodnight. Oh Dimitri?" He turned back around to face me. "Do I have to go to classes tomorrow?"

"Yes Rose. It would be best for you to get back into routine."

"But I just want to stay in my room. What happened in the cafeteria just proves how hard it's going to be in class," I replied sadly, knowing deep down that I had no choice.

"Sorry Rose, but you have no choice." Dimitri gave me a sympathetic look and walked out of the room.

I lay back down on my bed feeling angry. I wasn't angry at Dimitri, just at the school, the rules and, come to think of it, at life. I had been back at St. Vladimir's only a few days, most of which had been spent in the clinic, and already I was expected to go back to class and act like nothing had happened. Like one of my best friends hadn't just been killed by Strigoi. I wished everything could just go back to normal. But I realised that my life would never be normal again. Strigoi were attacking in large groups and humans were helping them, which meant that potentially even the school wasn't safe. And in a few months I would be graduating, and facing the possibility of losing the person that had been my best friend my whole life. I didn't know if I could handle that. If Lissa died, a very large part of me would die too.


	4. Chapter 4

CHAPTER 4

The next few days passed in a blur. My mother and I caught up, which wasn't very successful. She was going to get us some food specially made from the cafeteria but I still didn't want to eat. Whenever she started a conversation I would just shrug or nod without saying a word. Just before she left I apologised and explained that it was nothing personal, even though I was pretty sure she would've already known that. Classes were terrible; the only good thing being the teachers didn't expect me to do any work. I still blamed myself for what had happened and nothing anybody had said made me change my mind. Lissa tried to get me to see her counsellor, but no way was I telling someone I didn't even know how I felt. My mother managed to Lord Szelsky to stay longer-an indefinite period of time- as she didn't want to leave me alone yet, despite the fact I would never be fully alone in a place like St. Vladimir's. By the end of the week I felt empty. I knew in my heart that nothing would bring Mason back, but I couldn't stop myself from hoping.

* * * *

"Rose, I'm worried about you," exclaimed Lissa. We were up the back of the library, in between all the history books- a place where other students rarely came. I came in the library this morning looking for a place that no-one else would find me. Of course, I should've guessed that Lissa would find a way. Christian was sitting against the wall, with Lissa leaning against his chest. I was sitting on across from them with my back against a bookshelf that looked as if to much weight was leant against it, it would break.

"Well don't be," I replied, not taking my eyes off an ant I was watching crawl across the carpeted floor. I reached out and squished it between my thumb and index finger.

"What did that poor ant ever do to you Rose?" questioned Christian sarcastically, trying to make a joke but Lissa could see I wasn't in a joking mood.

"Not now Christian," she said warningly.

"Seriously Rose, you need to talk to someone. I'm worried about you." Lissa was getting really emotional and that only made me feel worse. I didn't need anyone worrying about me. I was fine.

"Lissa, I'm fine. I don't want to talk to anyone about it. Just drop it ok." I could tell that Lissa wanted to say more, but she held back.

"Rose, we're concerned about you. Everybody is. We are only trying to do what's best for you," Christian said. Considering his usual sarcastic approach to everything, I was surprised he could be so serious. Maybe it was because of Lissa's influence.

"Christian, I do NOT need anyone's help okay?" I stood up feeling annoyed. "Just stop telling me I need to talk to someone. I don't need to and even if I did I wouldn't want to." I stormed out of the library upset that I had just gotten angry with my best friend. Sure, I didn't care how Christian felt about me yelling at him all that much, but I was worried about how Lissa would deal with my anger. She was already concerned about me as it was; I didn't need her feeling any worse.

Being a Sunday afternoon, the students of St. Vladimir's were mostly all wandering around campus. Most had gone to church this morning and whilst I didn't go, I knew the death of Mason had been talked about by the priest. Some people said 'hi' to me as I walked past, while others just totally ignored me. A few people glared at me, obviously still pissed off at me for punching that girl in the cafeteria during the week. The way I saw it, she deserved it. I was halfway across the quad when somebody called to me. I turned around to see Dr. Olendzki walking towards me.

"Hi Rose. I was going to come see you in your dorm room later on but I might as well make the most of seeing you now. I was just wondering how you are feeling? If you're coping okay with everything that happened?"

"I'm fine," I replied looking her straight in the eye, trying to sound as convincing as possible. But inside was a mess. I wasn't coping, but I wasn't going to tell anyone else that. Besides, I was seriously annoyed and if one more person asked me how I was feeling they would most likely end up getting punched in the face too.

"You sure?"

"Yep. 100%. Now if you don't mind I have somewhere to be." I knew I sounded rude but I didn't want to have to lose my temper with Dr. Olendzki. If I punched her there would certainly be consequences. Big consequences. And I didn't want that to happen.

"Okay. Well if you need anything, you know where to find me."

I turned around and headed towards my dorm, not sure of what I was going to do when I got there. When I arrived there was a box outside of my door with a small note on top.

_Rose,_

_Here are some more texts about Vladimir and Anna.  
I thought you might want to read some more about  
being shadow-kissed._

No-one had signed off on the note, but I knew who it was from. The priest was constantly giving me new texts about Vladimir, the school's namesake, and shadow-kissed Anna. He knew I liked to learn more about being shadow-kissed and the effects it may have on me, but I was surprised he'd had the time to continue looking for information lately. A lot of students had been going to the chapel everyday and talking to him about Mason's death and death in general.

* * * *

I spent the rest of the afternoon and evening reading the books about Anna. I already knew a lot of the information, but it still intrigued me. I didn't realise it was so late until I heard a knock on my door. I walked over and opened up the door.

"Rose can I come in?" asked my mother. She wore an even more serious expression that usual, if that was even possible.

"Yeah sure. Did you want to see me about something?" My mother seemed awkward, like she was waiting to ask me something that she was worried I would respond to badly. Oh right. That shouldn't have surprised me. She was probably the first person Lissa would've gone to about me.

"Rose, Lissa and Christian came to see me this afternoon. They told me how angry you got in the library." I sighed and wandered over to my bed. I sat down but didn't say anything. "They were only trying to help Rose, everybody is. I know Dr. Olendzki talked to you this afternoon to and you wouldn't tell her what was wrong either. I was hoping you would speak to me about it."

I knew she had a point. They were only trying to help and I had been rude but at the same time, I just wanted everyone to leave me alone to deal with it on my own.

"I don't want to talk about it. I'm fine." I kept my tone even, despite my annoyance. I didn't want to get into a fight with my mum.

"No you're not. You won't speak to anybody, not even Lissa. From what I hear you two used to talk about everything together." That part was true. "You were there for her when she needed you, now she just wants to return the favour." I couldn't speak. My emotions were all over the place and I was on the verge of tears. I was so _not_ going to cry in front of my mother. "Just think about it, you need to tell somebody how you feel. You need to take care of yourself." My mother walked out of my room, leaving me alone to consider what she had just said.

Lissa was my best friend. She had been since we were little and yet I couldn't talk to her. I was there when she needed me and now she was trying her hardest to be there fore me and I kept pushing her away. She didn't deserve that. But if I wouldn't talk to her, who _would_ I talk to?

**A/N: I will try my hardest to have Chapter 5 posted ASAP, though it may take a couple of weeks as my summer holidays finish next week and I will not have as much time to write once school goes back. I hope it will be up soon. Sorry for anyone wanting to read Chapter 5. Thanks :)**


	5. Chapter 5

CHAPTER 5

That question circled in my head for days afterwards. I didn't know the answer. I had always told Lissa everything, but yet I still couldn't talk to her. I wouldn't talk to Dimitri either. Or my mother. So many people had told me I needed to talk and yet I didn't think I needed to. Maybe I was just in denial, or maybe I had a point. No-one should have to share my pain. It was my fault and I should have to suffer, not them.

"Hey little dhampir," exclaimed a familiar voice from behind me. I was on my way to class and really didn't want to be interrupted. Despite this, I turned around to face Adrian Ivashkov.

"Not now Adrian."

"Well sorry for breathing. I just wanted to say hi."

"Well then say it and get it over with." I didn't mean to be so rude with Adrian, but his sarcasm wasn't really something I wanted to put up with at this point in time.

He sighed and said "Hi Rose. How nice to see you. Obviously you're not too happy to see me." For once Adrian actually seemed hurt, and instantly I regretted having been so harsh.

"I'm sorry Adrian. I just...I dunno. I'm not exactly in the best of moods this morning," I apologised.

"I never noticed." He may have said his words in a sarcastic tone, but the look in his eyes conveyed the worry that everyone else seemed to feel. "Listen Rose, you're not usually like this. What's going on?"

"I've got to get to class. We'll speak later." I was trying to find any excuse to get away, and despite the fact it sounded lame, it was the truth. If I stood here any longer I would be late. "Cya later Adrian." I turned around but didn't even get the chance to take one step forward before Adrian grabbed my hand.

"Don't worry about class. I'll take care of it later. You are coming with me. And I will make you talk-even if I have to tie you to a chair and refuse to release you until you have told me what's wrong."

"There's no need to go that far Adrian," I joked but looking him in the eye again I saw that he was not joking. I tried to think of an escape plan, but without punching him in the face with my free hand, I came up with nothing. And as if he knew I was planning an escape, Adrian tightened his grip on my hand so much I thought he might cut the circulation off to my fingers.

* * * *

Fifteen minutes later, we ended up in Adrian's room in the guest housing block. I had been so caught up in trying to escape that I hadn't even given the fact that Adrian was at St. Vladimir's a second thought.

"What are you even doing at St. Vladimir's anyway?" I asked once I was seated on the desk chair in his room.

"It's about time you asked," he grinned at me and I just rolled my eyes. Typical Adrian. "I'm here to work on spirit with Lissa. Learn all of her tricks and vica versa. Would you like a drink?" He pointed to a mini bar filled up with various bottles of alcohol.

"Uhh water thanks." I knew I sounded boring, but I was sure it was part of Adrian's plan to get me drunk so I would tell him everything. He filled up a glass with tap water and handed it to me.

"So you don't drink now?" Adrian wheeled over another desk chair and sat down facing me.

"Guess not."

"Rose. I know you don't want to talk. And no-one can force you to." That was the most understanding anyone had shown me all week. "But you _need_ to. You can't keep bottling everything up. It will kill you eventually. Literally." He looked me straight in the eye, as if to prove that he was being serious.

I looked down and stared at the floor through my water. I could feel the tears pricking my eyes. Adrian couldn't see me cry. I blinked a few times and took a deep breath. Looking back up at him I said "I don't want to talk about it."

"You need to Rose. Look what it's doing to you." By this time a few tears had begun to roll down my cheeks. He reached out a wiped them from my cheeks and even though he wasn't Dimitri, it felt so good to have a guy genuinely care for me. "Please. Talk to someone."

"I just can't Adrian," I sobbed, ashamed I had started to cry in front of him. "It's too hard. If I talk to someone about what I happened, I have to relive everything that happened. And I don't want to do that."

"No one will make you relive what happened. We just need to know how you're feeling so that we can help you," said Adrian, holding my hands in his.

"I hate myself for what happened, Adrian. It's my fault Mason died. I blame myself everyday. And killing those Strigoi..." I shivered, "I think about it everyday. Think about how it could've been different. If I hadn't told Mason about Spokane, none of it would've happened."

"Okay that's enough." Adrian let go of my hands and stood up. He almost looked annoyed. "None of this is your fault Rose. Strigoi are everywhere. No where is safe. How where you to know Mason would act like an immature idiot and go after them? If it's anyone's fault it's his. He shouldn't have gone to Spokane, and Mia and Eddie were just as stupid to go with him. What you and Christian did was incredibly brave. You both risked your lives." Adrian stopped his little rant and poured himself another drink.

"We were stupid too. We should've just told the guardians what had happened," I replied.

"Well yeah. Maybe you should've. But you wanted to fix what you believed was your mistake. You were so brave Rose, and you deserve to be proud of that." Adrian sat down across from me again. "You are the best novice at this school and you proved that, so please for your own sake, cheer up and finish your schooling. Lissa needs your protection after graduation Rose, and if you're still caught up about that incident how are you going to protect her?"

"I don't know if I'm the right person to be her guardian. She's the last in her royal line and because of that she is going to be a target for Strigoi. If I can't handle what happened how am I going to successfully protect her?"

"You are the right person. You share a bond with her that no one else has and that will help you protect her. Dimitri will be there to help too Rose. Don't forget that."

"I know. I'm just scared for her sake, that when she needs me I will freeze. That I will freak out. I can't do that Adrian." I was almost whispering now. This was the most I had told anyone, but I was beginning to think my friends had a point about talking to someone. I felt like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders.

"You won't Rose. The need you have to protect your best friend will overcome your fears. I promise," replied Adrian. I couldn't believe I hadn't talked to anyone in so long. Everything he was saying sounded so sensible.

"Do you always keep your promises?" I asked, feeling closer to my usual smart-arse self with every word I said.

"Now that's more like the Rose I know. And yes, I try my hardest to keep my promises. But this is one I'm sure about." Adrian checked his watch. "You should probably get going to class anyway. I don't want to have to explain to two teachers why you were wagging class."

Sure enough, as I stood up the bell rang.

"Thankyou Adrian, for everything. If it wasn't for you, I don't think I would've talked to anyone."

"It's fine Rose." He pulled me into a hug and I wrapped my arms around his waist. If it wasn't for Dimitri, I might have considered Adrian boyfriend-worthy. Suddenly a thought occurred to me.

"You're not going to tell anyone what I said are you?" I asked, alarmed.

"If your mood improves, I might consider keeping it to myself. But if you continue to act the way you have been lately, I will have to tell somebody, for your sake."

I nodded, unsure of whether to thank him or not. I didn't want anybody else knowing what I had told him, but I also knew he had a point. I couldn't carry on like this. I had my schooling and my future as a guardian to consider.

"Now off you go for class, you might just make it in time."

I quickly kissed him on the cheek and left his room. Wandering down to class, I began to wonder whether it would be as easy as he made out. Whether I could just recover from something like this just by telling somebody how I felt. I half-believed it was true, but the other part of me- the cynical, questioning part of me- wasn't so sure. Either way, one thing made perfect sense. I _had _to protect Lissa. She needed me to keep her safe.

I arrived at class a few minutes late.

"Sorry Sir, I had to visit somebody on the way here," I explained. Fortunately all the teachers were still taking part in their 'Be Overly Nice to Rose' scheme, so he didn't mind.

"That's fine Rose, take a seat."

I sat down and pulled out my book, but it wasn't long before I found my mind wandering to a far away place. In actual fact, it wasn't all that far away. I was in Adrian's room, locked in a passionate embrace with him. I liked everything about it: his hair, his smell, and his dark brown eyes. Wait. What? I pulled back and noticed it was Dimitri I was with, not Adrian. But I was in Adrian's room. How was that possible? I looked backed to Dimitri. But Dimitri was gone. Instead I was staring into the eyes of Adrian Ivashkov.

I was pulled out of my daze by someone tapping their pencil on their desk behind me. I couldn't possibly being crushing on two guys, could I? One of them was a completely badass guardian, my future partner for protecting Lissa, and the other was a royal Moroi. Queen Tatiana hated me, and she would not be happy if she knew I had feelings for her nephew. _Jeez Rose, _I thought to myself, _you really need to take control of yourself. _But even though I had talked to Adrian, my feelings were still so wild and messed up, I knew it would take a lot of effort to control them. In actual fact, I was pretty sure at this point in time it would be impossible. So it seemed that for the time being, liking two guys (both of which would be very hard to date- one a guardian working for the school and the other a royal Moroi) would just be something I would have to put up with.

**A/N: Your suggestions as to what to write in Chapter 6 would be greatly appreciated. I am kinda suffering writer's block at the moment. Please Review. I hope you guys enjoy it. Thanks. :) **


	6. Chapter 6

CHAPTER 6

That day after school I went up to Lissa's room. I felt I needed to apologise for getting angry at her. I knew it was in Lissa's personality to forgive easily but I felt bad. I had no right to go off at her the way I did.

"Lissa. Can I come in?" I asked.

"Hi Rose. Yeah of course you can. You do realise you don't really need to ask?"

I just shrugged. I walked in a turned around to face her.

"Lissa I'm sorry for getting angry with you and Christian before. I don't know what happened. I'm so sorry," I said, on the verge of tears.

"Oh Rose. It's fine. I understand. But truly we just want to help you. I've been through a lot and you were always there. Now I want to be there for you."

"I know. And I'm sorry I took everything out on you."

"Rose, it truly is fine." Lissa stood up and gave me a quick hug. "I'm really sorry but I have to go. Adrian and I are meeting up to work on some spirit stuff. Do you want to come?"

"Yeah sure. It'd be good to hang out with you guys again." Of course, Lissa didn't know my other reason for wanting to see Adrian.

* * * *

Almost 2 hours later, all three of us were walking back towards Lissa's Moroi dorm. Adrian had spent the last couple of hours trying to teach Lissa how to see people's auras. I had started to feel a little left out because I was the only one not able to do all this cool stuff. I was so caught up in my thoughts that I didn't realise we had already arrived at the girls Moroi dorm.

"Earth to Rose?" asked Adrian, waving his hand in front of my face.

"Oh what? Sorry I was in my own world then."

"We could tell," said Adrian sarcastically. "Lissa's said goodbye like 5 times already." The both started laughing.

"Not funny. Sorry about that Lissa. I'll see you tomorrow sometime," I replied feeling slightly embarrassed.

"You sure will. See you later Adrian." Lissa waved goodbye to the both of us and then shut the door.

"What happened back there Rose? You were completely tuned out," asked Adrian. I could hear the worry sneaking back into his voice.

"I don't know. I was just caught up in my own thoughts."

"Ok." Surprisingly, Adrian didn't ask anymore until we got back to the hallway outside my dorm. Adrian looked around to check there was no one else there before asking, "How are you feeling after our little chat today Rose?"

"I'm okay I guess. I don't feel all that much different. I still blame myself about everything that happened. I still miss Mason. I don't think that ever going to go away." That last part was definitely true. Feeling like that was never going to go away. But the first part was a lie. I did feel different. I felt different about Adrian. I had seen his sensitive side- a side of him that I really liked.

"I'm glad." Adrian smiled at me supportively before leaning in towards me. He kissed me gently on the lips. Normally I would have pulled away, but not this time. I knew there was no compulsion being used here. I didn't need to be under the influence of compulsion to want to kiss him back. I wanted that kiss so badly. I needed that kiss. I don't know how long we kissed for- all I remember is the feeling I had inside. It was as close to happy as I had been in a long, long time. Little did I know that the other person I wanted to be with was watching us the whole time.

**DIMITRI'S P.O.V**

I stood at the end of the hallway watching Rose and Adrian kiss. He wasn't even a student here. He shouldn't be taking advantage of someone younger than him. There was no way Rose could have feelings for him. He just wasn't in her league. Surely she had better taste than that. Adrian Ivashkov was trouble with a capital 'T'. He smoked and spent most of his days in some drunken haze. I could understand him wanting to practice spirit with Lissa, but him taking advantage of Rose like that was just wrong.

At first I wanted to walked up to them and knock Adrian out, but I thought better of it. I was supposed to be the mature one here and punching somebody over a girl was like re-visiting my adolescence. I took a deep breath and turned around. I was so angry. Rose and I had something special. No one could take that away from us.

**ROSE'S P.O.V**

I lay in bed that night going over and over the events of that day. So much had happened. First I talked to Adrian about things, which I never expected to do. And then that kiss. I had enjoyed that kiss so much, but it left me wondering about how Adrian felt. Did he really like me or was he just doing that to keep me happy? I didn't know the answer to the question. Adrian was so hard to understand sometimes- he went from sarcastic to sensitive in the blink of an eye. Suddenly another question occurred to me... _How would Adrian know I wanted to kiss him?_ He wasn't psychic and couldn't read minds. Maybe he really was just trying to take advantage me. I lay awake for ages trying to figure out the answer. Eventually I gave up and started to think about how I could really patch things up Lissa. Going to her little spirit meeting had been fun, though I felt completely left out. Lissa was working so hard with Adrian, trying to see auras that I had been left to sit and watch. Suddenly, something pieced together. _Auras._ Of course. Adrian had mentioned once before that he could see in someone's aura when their feelings towards a person changed. He must have seen that my feeling towards him had changed and taken advantage of that. I still wanted to know if he felt the same way. Somehow I doubted that. After all, this was Adrian Ivashkov we were talking about.

* * * *

The next morning I got up early to get ready for training with Dimitri. It was the first training session since before Christmas break. In a way I was looking forward to it. Not only would being with Dimitri make me happy, but having another thing to take my mind off what had happened would provide welcome relief.

* * * *

Ninety minutes later I was standing outside the training room for Dimitri. He was hardly ever late and considering this was our first session in a while, I expected him to be on time.

"Hey Comrade," I said as he unlocked the door to the training room.

"Don't call me that Rose," replied Dimitri angrily.

"Oh sorry." Dimitri was in a really bad mood this morning. "What are we doing today anyway?"

"You are running laps. I will be sitting here timing you."

"Why? I thought we gave up laps ages ago."

"You are running laps because I said you are. So start stretching," said Dimitri. Whoa. Something was really wrong.

I stretched quickly and started my laps. The whole time all I could think of was why Dimitri was so pissed off. Maybe he was just having a bad day. Or maybe there was more to the story than I realised. I managed to finish my laps in just under 15 minutes, which was fast even for me.

"Dimitri. What's your problem today? You seem really pissed off," I asked as I cooled down. But nothing could have prepared me for the answer. It was definitely not something I was expecting.

"Adrian Ivashkov is my problem. He comes back to St. Vladimir's claiming to want to learn more about spirit use from Lissa and suddenly he's all over you. Why did you let him take advantage of you like that?"

"He wasn't taking advantage of me."

"So what? You like him now?" asked Dimitri, visibly angry. Or maybe even jealous.

All I did was raise my eyebrows at him. I wasn't going to give in to his jealousy. He had absolutely no right to get all protective of me. We weren't together so it wasn't his business.

"You are unbelievable Rose," yelled Dimitri.

"How? I have every right to be with who I want to be with." I took a few steps toward Dimitri. "And it's none of your business."

"It is so my business. I am a guardian at this school. You are currently still underage. And I am not going to let Adrian Ivashkov take advantage of you," Dimitri replied.

"How many times do I have to tell you that Adrian was _not_ taking advantage of me?" I was yelling now too.

What happened next took me by surprise. Dimitri walked up to me and kissed me. Now he was the one taking advantage of me. Regardless of that fact, I wanted Dimitri so much. My whole world relied on his kiss, much like my world had relied on Adrian's kiss last night. I couldn't believe my feelings could change so quickly- I could only be with one guy. And right now that guy was Dimitri. I kissed him back passionately, wanting him to be all over me.

Dimitri wrapped his fingers through my hair and pushed me against the wall. He whole body wait was pressing down on me. I wrapped my arms around his waist and pulled him as close to me as I could.

"Roza. I'm sorry for getting angry before," said Dimitri between kisses.

I couldn't reply. Dimitri was running his hands up and down my back underneath my shirt. His touch made my skin tingle. I pressed myself up against him even more and ran my hands around the waistline of his pants. I knew we couldn't go all the way in the gym, but given the opportunity, we sure would get close. And I hoped we would. All I wanted was for Dimitri to keep touching me like he was. But suddenly there was a knock on the door. Dimitri quickly pulled back and turned toward the door. I quickly ran my fingers through my hair and straightened out my shirt.

Dimitri walked over to the door. When he opened the door my mother walked in.

"Hi Janine," said Dimitri sounding annoyed.

"Hi Dimitri. Hi Rose," answered my mother, nodding towards me, "I was just coming to check how Rose's first training session is going. I hope your not working her too hard Dimitri." My mother gave him a serious look.

"No, of course not Janine," Dimitri replied evenly, though I could tell he was trying so hard not to laugh. He hadn't exactly been working me hard in the last 10 minutes. I would've liked to avoid the laps but it was worth it for what happened afterwards.

"It's been fine Mom."

"I'm glad to see you getting into a routine again Rose." My mother checked her watch. "Don't you think you should go and get changed for class? Otherwise you will be late."

I looked up at the clock. I only had 25 minutes before class started. _Damn it_. I was hoping for more one-on-one time with Dimitri after my mother left. Obviously that wasn't going to happen.

"Yeah I guess I better."

"Okay well I better go. I will see you two later," said my mom cheerfully, not suspecting a thing. She may be one of the best guardians in the world but sometimes she couldn't pick up on obvious things. I was sure that Dimitri and I were acting weird. Surely she must have noticed something.

I walked into the change rooms and picked up my bag. I filled my drink bottle up at the tap and walked back out to the gym. I was expecting Dimitri to say something about what had just happened but he didn't.

"There will be no more training sessions until further notice. I have some...guardian things to attend to."

"Yeah right," I replied, "this is about what happened before my mother walked in isn't it?"

"I just don't think we should be too close to each other for a while. We can't be getting distracted all the time. It's not right," said Dimitri.

"Whatever. I have classes to go to." I walked towards the door before adding, "Oh and by the way, Adrian was _not _taking advantage of me."

Dimitri was so hot and cold. One minute he was all over me, literally, and the next he was cancelling training so he didn't have to be near me. I knew I was being immature by mentioning Adrian, but I knew it was the one thing that would really piss him off. And there was some truth in my words; Adrian hadn't been taking advantage of me. Whilst I might want Dimitri so much it hurt sometimes, Adrian was a good looking guy who genuinely cared about me. What's it to Dimitri if I want to be with him?

* * * *

I didn't know the answer to that question until the end of school. It was so obvious. Dimitri's family lived in a town with a lot of blood whores. He didn't want me to end up one of them too. So that's what he though of me. He thought I was capable of becoming a blood whore.

**A/N: Sorry for the delay. Just gone back to school and have been very busy!!! A VERY BIG ****THANKYOU**** to Sandy (a.k.a. **_**Kessafan**_**) for her ideas for Chapter 6. They helped a lot. Once again, there may be a delay in the posting of Chapter 7 due to school, sport and work commitments. Any ideas as to what to write would again be greatly appreciated. I hope you enjoy this chapter. Thanks, Charlotte. :) **


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